Ben says no one is reading blogs anymore, and he's right. Once bustling little communities are now like ghost towns. Ben reckons that this is good, that it'll be like it used to be, when people blogged with the freedom that came with no audience, from not knowing how to do it properly, from making it up as we went along. Maybe he's right. I hope he's right. But I don't think he is. Because we do know how to do it now. We do know what 'proper blogging' is. You can't unknow that stuff, because we have been there and we have done that. It's sad, but true. That time has passed.
That's one view. My glum view. But there's only one way to find out if that's really right, and that's to test it. So, for a week or so I'm going to blog like no one's reading.
I got up this morning, aged 37, took a wander in the park, and took a little stock of my life. Asking myself the big questions. Like, how did I get so fucking old? Where did all that time go? Did I really want to be here? Doing this?
And despite feeling a desire to wallow in a time not long gone, when I ached less in the morning, when I could stay up later, and when more seemed possible, I found I couldn't.
Because things are not too bad. I was up with the birds, slightly ahead of the day. Breathing in a sunny day. A gloriously sunny September day. I was out with my hound. My trusted hound. Who was belting around hunting down the squirrel population with no success whatsoever. And Sophie was back at our house sleeping. Sleeping in our bedroom. In our house. In our bedroom with the green carpet that we both deeply regret stylistically, but love for being our choice, in our house. This all left me feeling a deep contentment.
Sometimes I feel it's easy to moan about getting older. To desire the things that have gone too much. But I feel like I'm also learning to appreciate the distance experience gives you. The perspective it gives you on things, on people, and on life.
I don't know if I always feel this way, who knows. But for now, aged 37 (just), it's how I feel, and it feels pretty good, pretty darn good.