ontherun

Over there (for now).

I'm blogging over here for the time being, as a guest while a baby is being born.

It's a service I'm now offering.

In which my body appears to give up.

Good news I tried my trainers, my old trainers, and the pain in my right knee went away. Unfortunately the exact pain has manifested itself in my left knee now. I could hardly walk following my run in them a couple of days ago.

This is a depressing situation. I don't appear to be able to run anymore. For a bit I can, then no more. This time last year I could run quite far, now I can't. And the truth is I'm not sure what to do about it. It's quite a black and white thing.

I've got another week to defer my marathon entry to next year, so I'm taking that, not sure why, but I am. Even if I do defer I don't know what good it will do, but it can't hurt I guess - maybe knees heal themselves. Then again maybe they don't.

Per chance.

I'm changing trainers. I've picked up my old ones and will try them tomorrow morning. If they don't solve the knee problem then it's the scrap heap for me.

To celebrate I'm going to have a Galaxy. It's sort of like a final supper, sort of.

Blaming my knee.

I haven't run for days. My latest reason is that I need to go back to my old trainers (which I don't have with me and need to pick up).

The knee didn't hurt in them, so hopefully that's it. If it isn't then I don't know what else to try.

Fingers crossed.

Progress is backwards.

If anything I'm further away from where I need to be, and where I was last week. I was at a wedding yesterday and therefore ate and drank more than one normally needs to get through the day. Merely adding to the 'load' I have to carry around the miles I have to travel. This is annoying. More to carry on the body means more to carry in the head.

So I'll have to find a way of separating the two. Dividing the body from the mind, and accepting fear as my friend. Maybe addressing the sponsorship question will help me do this, so over the next couple of days I'll draw up plans for achieving the £2,000 I need to raise, that's sure to terrify me into action.

"Return with honour."

So there is one month, fourteen days, seventeen hours, and thirty something minutes to go before the start of the London marathon (or less if you're reading this later, obviously). This is a good thing if you like watching marathons, or enjoy anything presented by Steve Cram.

But it's a bad thing if you have agreed to run in it, but have yet to run any distance over 10km in the last year or so. Even worse when you've only run that a few times, and when every time you do your knee hurts so much you whine when taking the stairs for a couple of days after.

I used to run. I ran a marathon once. But that was then, this is now. Things are different. And that makes it worse - I've got no time to train, I'm badly out of shape, my knees are giving up on me, and people are saying things like "I'll double your sponsorship if you do under 4 hours".

Under 4 hours!

I did that once but that was another time. A different run. I feel like a different person almost. Now I bring little of what I had then. Then again maybe that's the point. I'm committed (they made me sign something). Marie Curie are expecting £2k from me, and they deserve that. It goes to something worthwhile, something that makes a difference when people need it most.

So it's on. I just need to find a way. Make a breakthrough. Find the sharp point. The right question to ask my body. And cross my fingers it has the answer.

For good or for ill. This is where we are - one month, fourteen days, seventeen hours, and thirty something minutes away from finding out what happens when I ask my body for more than I think it's got.